Mixing Business with Pleasure
by honestlee21
Summary: This is a story about a love square between Edward, Bella, Jacob and Tanya. Other characters are in here as well. Find out what happens when you have heartache and finding the strength in someone else to find happiness again. Rated M just to be on the safe side.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Hello, i am trying my hand at another Edward and Bella story. I dont own anything related to Twillight or its creator so please dont sue me, besides i dont really have anything anyway. Just some fun with the characters and an outlet on my creativity. So i hope you enjoy :)

Summary: Its a love square really between Edward, Bella, Jacob and Tanya. The torment of breakups and the heartache of hoping the will come back to you.

**Mixing Business with Pleasure**

Do you ever have one of those moments when you are absolutely certain the person your looking at, will be the only person you'll look at for the rest of your life? That's how I felt about Edward. I thought I knew, was one hundred percent positive that I would spend the rest of my life with him. But I guess no one ever knows anything for certain now do they? But before I go boring you with my rant, I guess I should just start at the beginning.

We both worked at an accounting firm. I had just moved from Phoenix, where I left my boyfriend Jacob behind. Edward was a junior partner and at 26, had the kind of handsome that knocks the breath right out of you. His bronzed hair that had a mind of its own, his eyes that swallowed you up when he looked right at you. And a build, a build that just wouldn't quit. The cherry on top of it all was that he was unavailable. But then again so was I at the time.

Both of us were deeply committed to other people. Loyal to a fault, we both were. I was going on four and a half years with Jacob and he was just starting out with Tanya. But the first time I saw him wasn't love at first sight. It wasn't a fairy book beginning. He was just some guy I met at work, don't get me wrong here, he was extremely handsome, and charming and arrogant in a good but annoying way. We hit it off immediately; he and I were so much alike. Our families were the same; both grew up with divorced parents and an absent father. Both of us were in relationships so we ended up talking to each other and asking advice, and our joint teamwork and work ethic was undeniable.

We were always paired to work together on projects. But still my heart was back in Phoenix with Jacob. After a few months of being in New York, it was almost Thanksgiving and I was finally getting settled in and acquainted with everyone and how things were run around the office. Tanya had even given me a pointer or two. She wasn't a bad person per say but she didn't deserve to have Edward. I remember thinking; she just doesn't seem to fit with him. But the thoughts were always in the back of my mind and with Jacob coming to visit for the holiday I let the thoughts fade away.

One Monday morning, the Monday before Thanksgiving to be exact, I got a surprising phone call. Jacob wasn't coming, and he felt that we needed to take a break. Devastated I walked into our routine meeting and tried to put on as happy a face as I could. But as soon as I had gotten back to my office, Edward knocked on my door.

"Bella, is everything okay?" He had taken his jacket off as he usually did in the afternoon and leaned against the wall in his black slacks and white shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows with folded arms across his green tie. I didn't want him to see me upset so I just looked at the portfolio I had in front of me. "Oh yeah, I'm great why?" He laughed and shifted to the other foot. "Come on Bell, I know you and you are not great." I chucked and shook my head thinking how arrogant he really was. "Just tell me." I don't know why it was so easy for me to talk to him, but it just came so natural. "He isn't coming and isn't going to ever." I let out with a deep breath. Edward took a seat across from me at my desk. "What a shit, how could he do that to you?" I laughed again, "Your guess is as good as mine. But maybe this is for the best." I could feel myself start to well up. "Well now I know your lying, so just tell me the truth." He handed me a tissue and I lost it.

"I don't know what went wrong, I love him Edward. He said we would get through this. That distance didn't matter, that we loved each other and we could get through anything that came at us, that we could conquer anything, that it was us against the world. How could he just give up on us? " I blew my nose and realized Edward was knelt down by my side of the desk taking my hand. "He doesn't deserve you, you deserve the world Bell and if he can't see that then it's his loss. You are too great of a person to be this upset, and have too beautiful a face to be this upset. "

I looked at him through my tears and saw something in his eyes. I know now that it was compassion and concern for me. That he actually cared about me. This was the first time I felt something more then friendship for Edward Cullen.

What I ended up feeling in the two years to come after that was definitely more then friendship. More then co-workers, more then buddies. Edward had become the one person I could go to with anything. Trouble with work, money, family, or just the stupid guys I happened to have a shitty date with. He became my best friend, which is why writing this is so hard because I know that the time we had together will be the only time we have. I just looked out the window of my kitchen in my penthouse apartment and lost myself in the last time I saw him, lost myself in the last words I said.

"What is it you are waiting for Edward?" He had broken up with Tanya for the second time and I had gone over to his house to comfort him the night before. I stood up from the couch and started to slowly pace. He sensed that I was serious and stood to stop me. "I don't know what I'm waiting for, I just know that I don't want to hurt you." I laughed at him. "I think that ship has already sailed." I turned to him and placed my hands on his face and searched his eyes. The deep green eyes I have come to lose myself in every time I look into them. "What is it you want from me?"

He didn't say anything, just shook his head and stared at the ground. I dropped my hands from his face and said again. "Edward, what is it you want from me?" For the third time, silence is what I got. I turned and as I got my purse and opened the door as I took one more look at him. "What is it you want from me?" I looked up at him, trying to hold back the pain I knew he could see. He didn't even have the nerve to look at me, just the floor. " I don't know." " Well let me make it easy on you, Edward." I turned and walked out of his apartment and down the beige hallway of the building.

I find it humorous that the walls were beige. Such a similar color to exactly how I was feeling. So unwanted, scared, nervous, and relieved in some small way. Relieved that maybe this would be it. At least I didn't get in as deep as I expected I would, after the first time. But the relief disappeared as soon as my finger hit the lobby button.

That was the most agonizing elevator ride of my life. Seemed like forever, and as time stood still for those mere 12 seconds, the life I was meant to live seem to flash before my eyes. A wedding, children, birthdays, holidays, simple parties with friends just vanished.

The doors opened and I hesitated for a brief moment before whipping my face of tears and lifting my head high and heading out the door. Isn't this where the happy ending is supposed to be? I thought. Isn't this the part where he chases me out and confesses his love for me in the middle of the street? I shook my head while walking to my car, hilarious, that that is what I have come to expect. But in reality is not what I can tell you. Instead what I can tell you, is the journey that leads to this point. Where this ends I can't really say but I can simply say this. It isn't over till its over.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Hello there, thank you to those of you that have read my little story here, i hope you like it and im keeping you on your toes. If you havent guessed yet i really like ending chapters with cliff hangers. Its kind of my MO. But again i own nothing partaining to Twilght and im poor so dont sue me. Anyway here is chapter 2 sorry its late i hope to update on a regular basis but sometimes my job doesnt permit that. but enough of my rant, here is chapter 2 and i hope you enjoy. if you would like to leave a review whether good or bad, doesnt matter please do so i love critism.

Chapter 2

I never thought I would be able to write so freely, hell I never, ever thought when I could, id be writing my own story. But here I sit, in my fancy office, in my Seattle apartment and I just can't seem to stop typing.

When I was a little girl all I ever wanted to do was be a writer. I would write poems and listen to classical music. I wanted to be one of those 'beatniks' as my grandmother called them. Those people who sit in coffee shops and live through art and expression. But by me working for Jenks, Mills and Mason you can see that isn't where my life headed.

My grandmother, Charlotte Swan was an acquired taste of a woman. Her being my absent fathers mother; was always in my life, even when I didn't want her to be. And me, being her only grandchild wanted me to have a lucrative life. A life where I would never want for anything. She used to tell me, "Bella, those caffeine junking's have nothing, and will never amount to anything. But you dear ARE something, you are destined for something more."

How awful and challenging a thing to say to an 8 year old. My dreams could never come alive because of an overwhelming feeling to please my grandmother. After all she was the next best thing to my father.

Edward and I had the same situation. I remember the day I learned so much about him in such a small amount of time. We were working on an assignment for an up and coming organic clothing company and had already been in the office all day.

"These just don't seem right? Do these seem right?" I turned to him to show him the sketches; "Well no they don't, especially with a guy starting out eating a cheeseburger, wearing the outfit." "Ahhh. I am so over this, what time is it anyway?" I asked him as I started packing up the sketches. "12:07, wow I didn't think it was nearly this late." "Yeah I know, time really does fly when your having fun huh?" I chuckled nervously.

He was so intimidating and he wasn't even trying to be. "Yeah, it does." He smiled at me a genuine smile and I don't know if it was because of that smile or because I had a surge of courage but I asked him, "Do you want to go get a drink? You know kind of blow off some stream from the project?" He shot a look over to me and stared, "What? It was just a suggestion." I answered. "No, nothing I would love to, and I know the perfect place." I laughed a little. "Okay, well in that case you lead and ill follow."

With that we grabbed our coats and my purse and headed out into the winter rain. As we got outside the building, he opened an umbrella and started to walk down the sidewalk. He got about four feet before he realized I wasn't following. "What kind of girl doesn't have an umbrella in the rainy capital of the world?" I laughed, "One of the many things I didn't need in Phoenix." "Come on then." He said while I got under his and snuggled by him to not get wet.

I guess that moment was when I saw a side of Edward that I knew I could fall for. Someone who could turn into this knight and shining armor in a mere second, but if you took your eyes off him you'd miss it. That night I learned so much about him. We ended up going to the Alibi room, which now seems so perfect. He had come here often with his sister Alice.

The place was really nice; we sat up at the bar and ordered two scotches. "I didn't know women like scotch?" "Why not? It's a sophisticated drink; or at least I like to think so." He laughed at me and I started to relax. At first there was an uneasy way I felt about him but once he laughed it was like talking to an old friend. "I just haven't met any women who like scotch. Tanya, my girlfriend, she is into those fruity tooty drinks. You know the ones that are all sugar and give you a crazy hangover?" I laughed along with him. "You mean 'Cosmopolitans' or 'Sex on the Beach?' " "Yes those, she loves those. It drives me crazy."

"Have long you guys been together?" "Um… not long actually, I think three months." "Aw, so you guys are still in the honeymoon stages." He laughed at me, "I guess you can say that, she is a difficult one though sometimes." I furrowed my brow at him, "How so?" "Well she just likes things the way she likes them, not really compromising." "Yeah I know that, my boyfriend back in Phoenix is like that too. Its like his way or the highway sometimes." "So tell me about you Bella, I wanna know everything." Surprised and taken back, "Not much to me really, I grew up in Phoenix, with my mom and my grandmother, was groomed for my profession and four months ago I got this wonderful opportunity and took it."

"Can I ask you a kind of personal question?" "Yeah sure, I'm not entirely an open book but I don't have anything to hide." "What about your dad?" I inhaled slowly, this wasn't something I wasn't comfortable talking about but I for some reason I felt comfortable talking to Edward. "My dad was non existent, has been my entire life. The grandmother I mentioned is actually my paternal grandmother. She didn't live with us but she was in the same town so she was in my life." "What happened to him?" I inhaled again and swigged back the last of my second glass of scotch. "I don't know. Neither does Charlotte. That's my grandmother. All I know is he was there for my birth and split." Edward laughed a little as the waitress dropped off two fresh glasses.

"Sounds a lot like my situation. My dad was around till I was about 3 years old and then decided he didn't want a family anymore. Alice, my sister took it harder then I did, but it still hurt." "What happened to him?" "He just decided to fill his veins with liquid poison, instead of dealing with his responsibilities. He died about 4 years ago from an overdose." "Oh Edward I'm so sorry." "Yeah well it is what it is, when I was younger, all I wanted was to be better then him, you know. Be a better man, and one day a damn better father." He gulped the last of his third glass and looked at his glass and then back at me. "You know, I've never told anybody that. Not even Tanya." "Why tell me?" I looked at him and I felt my face fill with heat. "I don't know. I just feel really comfortable talking to you. You don't seem like the type of girl or person who would be judgmental." "Your right, I'm not. I think people who judge others are really bringing out the things they don't like in themselves." He started chuckling, "Well I now know not to EVER judge you." I started laughing too as I got up to put on my jacket.

Walking under his umbrella, talking about our favorite foods, colors, first kisses, seemed like we were old friends who hadn't seen each other in ages. Even when we got to my apartment, it didn't feel like the uncomfortable air of 'will he kiss me or not?' It was so simple, easy, like we'd been doing it for years. "Thank you for tonight, it was fun. And thanks you for listening to my sob story." I turned around in my doorway to look at him. "Sob story? Edward I know we don't know each other that well yet, but anytime, anywhere you wanna talk about anything, Ill be there." "Bella, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and you know we are going to kick that ad meetings ass tomorrow. Ill see ya."

With that he walked away. I remember having this feeling of emptiness that some part of me was lost, seeing him walk away. I didn't know it at the moment, but it was Edward. That moment was when I subconsciously knew we were meant for each other.

Getting to know Edward was so great, he made me laugh when I was sad, would get me ice cream when I needed it, and always listen to me when I was so frustrated with Charlotte I couldn't stand it anymore. He had simply become my best friend.

Over the next few months, I met his sister Alice, who, by the way is my best friend in the world besides Edward. I met his mother Esme, who I now know where Edward gets his beauty. He was so compassionate, understanding and so irritating all at the same time and it didn't take long for us to get into a regular routine.

"What was his name?" I heard Edward say as he walked through my front door. After about the eighth time I asked him to get ice cream I had given Edward a key to my apartment and vice versa. I had just had the worst date of my life and I needed some serious therapy. I sighed and took a deep breath, "I don't want to talk about it. It was too awful."

I brought two glasses of scotch into my living room to see him already in his usual spot on my couch. Shoes and jacket and tie already on the ottoman. I handed him his glass as I took my seat next to him. He took a sip; chuckled and then looked at me, "just tell me, you know your going to eventually, so lets just end the suspense."

I gulped my first scotch down and laughed to. "Your right, ugh well his name was Wilbur." Edward laughed so hard he almost had scotch come out of his nose. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously I swear I'm never letting your sister set me up again. It was horrible, he took me to that place on 38th, you know the one that smells like dead cat every time you walk by it." He knew what I was talking about and nodded in grievance. "Well we get there and I'm already hesitant and he doesn't pull out my chair, and he orders for me. Edward he ordered my food, I mean COME ON! I'm 26 years old and I can't order my own food?"

Edward by now was laughing so hard that he was turning his shade of crimson. The same crimson I now know he turns when he's also excited. "Well did he at least order anything good?" I slapped him softly and laughed. "He ordered stuff that looked like puke." He kept laughing as he refilled our glasses with scotch. "Why do I have such bad luck in dating?"

"Oh Geez, your going with this topic now?" I rolled my eyes at him. "Seriously, why can't I meet someone who is just normal? I swear your sister is so going to get it when I have lunch with her tomorrow." "Well, do you think maybe you have your standards set too low?" "Where are you going with this?" "Think about it Bell, you are obviously in love with me, and I'm… well… you know." I laughed at him but didn't know if it was the second glass of scotch or he was seriously taking our conversation here. I mean I absolutely was in love with him, but he was with Tanya. How could he possible have any feelings for me? I was just his klutz of a co worker/friend and nothing else. I mean sure he cared about me, but I was more of a sister type, right?

"Your what?" "I am quite a catch." Okay Casanova, for starters I am NOT in love with you, and I don't know where you got that idea but I will give you the 'quite a catch' part." "Huh, I don't know whether to be hurt or say thank you." He laughed at me and I slapped him again playfully. "Well you are quite a catch yourself Bell, and any man would be an idiot not to fall in love with YOU."

I rolled my eyes at him yet again. "Yeah right, people look at me and see that clumsy girl who is always on time, never calls in and makes sure everyone else is happy when she isn't." I stared down at my fingers for what seemed like an hour before Edward put his hand over mine. I looked up at his glossy eyes that mirrored my own. We waited there for a few seconds, neither one of us saying anything. Neither one of us moving even an inch. He broke our bubble by tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I looked into his eyes and I remember thinking 'Bella, if you cross this line, there is no coming back.'

"Why aren't you happy Bell?" He whispered, so low that I could barely hear him. Staring into his eyes, I didn't know if I should tell him the truth or just come up with some lie. I decided with the truth, "To be completely honest…" I waited for a moment to see if I really wanted to go into this uncharted territory. "Yeah?" "I want someone I cant have." "What do you mean? You could have anyone you wanted to."

No, I can't go here. I can't tell him the truth… not now. "Never mind, its nothing really. It's silly and stupid and super girly." I got up off the couch and out of his stare. I wanted to get out of there, to get away from the power behind his gaze. I swear if I stayed there one more second he could hear what I was thinking.

But wishful thinking, he got up and caught my hand and turned me around flush against his body. "Never mind? I'm not going to let you get away with 'never mind' Bella. Who is it that you want but cant have?" Feeling his body so close to mine is a feeling that has no words. Being in his embrace is an out of body experience. He had this ability to make you want to run away but stay exactly where you were all at the same time.

Being nervous is definitely an understatement. "It doesn't matter Edward." I couldn't do this; he had become so much to me that I didn't want to mess that up. But in the back of my mind I didn't want to be the rebound girl, the deep part of my heart knew I was going to be.

"It matters to me." "Why?" Our slurred whispers were interrupted by my cell phone. Edward quickly released me and the spell was broken. I grabbed my bag and saw that it was Alice. "Hey Al" "How did the date go? Tell me everything, and I mean I want the DETAILS." I looked over at Edward and he was still staring at me with glazed over eyes and I wasn't so sure it was just the scotch. "Al, you know what I am actually on the other line with him right now, can I call ya right back?" "Oh, I'm so hap…"

I hung up the phone before she could even finish and threw the phone onto the couch as Edward took a step closer to me and put his hands on my hips. I stared into his eyes for so long. "Why does it matter to you?" My heart was beating a million miles a minute. "You know why."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Hey everyone, thank you for reading my story. I appreciate all the love. Here is the next chapter, i hope you enjoy and always i love feedback :)

**Chapter 3**

I gazed up into Edward's eyes, and couldn't move. "How long have you known?" "Known what?" "Don't bullshit me, how long?" He lifted his hand and stroked my cheek, and my breath hitched. "I've known as long as you have." I wasn't sure what that meant but I knew that he was still with Tanya. 'Shit, Tanya' I thought. Don't get me wrong its not like we were friends or anything; but still I wasn't the girl who cheats with someone. But then again I wasn't really cheating; he was only holding my face.

"Edward, you have a girlfriend. " He backed up and dropped his hand as well as the look in his eyes. I immediately regretted talking. "Your right." He started to walk around my apartment. "God, your right. I have a girlfriend. Bella I'm so sorry. " He got to my door, "I'm so sorry." "Edward, you can't leave, I mean we should at least talk about this right?" "There isn't anything to talk about." "Nothing to talk about? What about the fact that you know about my feelings for you?"

He got a sad look on his face, like he wanted to say something to me but couldn't. "What about the, 'just as long as you've known'? That just can't be all you have to say. " "I don't know what to tell you Bella, I can't stay. I need to go, I'm sorry." "Edwar…" He shut the door before the syllables even left my lips. I went to sit down on the couch. I couldn't believe what just happened. Was it just the alcohol? I know it wasn't for me, I had loved Edward for months now, and he was my best friend. I couldn't believe he just walked out. I didn't know what to think or what to do.

Over the weekend, I had questions running through my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about him, the hand on my cheek, closeness of his body to mine. I couldn't stop thinking that maybe I had read too much into his words. 'I've known as long as you have'. But he wouldn't just say something like that if he didn't feel something for me too right? I mean we had been talking about wanting someone you cant have, and he knew HE was the one I couldn't have. Surely he would have some thoughts on that.

By Monday morning, I was so nervous that I had clammy hands all the way to the office. But I thought to myself, 'Bella, you are confident and mature and can handle whatever comes your way'. When I first saw him that day all of my inspirational words came crashing down.

At lunch that day he came running into my office closing the door behind him. "Edward what the hell?" I was startled to say the least but so worried about what he wanted to say. He was panting and trying to catch his breath. "Tanya… She… another guy." I couldn't believe my ears. I was literally too stunned to move. "Edward sit down." He did as he was told, as I took some calming breaths. "Okay, now tell me." He looked up at me; "Tanya was with another guy all weekend." "What do you mean 'with'?" "She was with another guy Bella, as in its over." I sighed and I know that he heard me.

"Are you okay?" He was looking down at his hands, then same way I do. "I don't know, I mean my heart is broken, but I feel… free." "Free?" "Yes, I feel free. I can't really explain it. She told me that it had been going on for a couple of weeks and that she needs space." "So, she broke up with you?" He got up from his chair and made his way over to mine. As soon as he was standing in front of me, he took my hand and lifted me to my feet. He looked into my eyes with the same look he had before he walked out of my door the other night. "I broke up with her."

With those words, he lifted my chin and kissed me. I looked up in to his eyes, my mind spinning, 'He had kissed me. Edward Cullen kissed me'. My heart was doing more summersaults then I could handle and yet I managed to snake my hand into his hair and pulled his lips back to mine. It was sweet and tender and for me I thought it was the start of something really great.

When we pulled apart, he looked down at me and smiled. The smile that makes your knees go weak. The smile that stops time. "I have to go back to work, but I needed to tell you and… and do that." He walked out of my office and left me standing there in a pile of wobbly legs.

Those next couple of weeks seemed to fly by. Sneaking kisses here and there, where no one could see, the copy room, the break room, and the mailroom. I felt like I was 16 years old again. After Jake, I didn't think I would ever feel this giddy over someone. I mean yes, I loved Edward, and he was my best friend but to feel giddy? I hadn't felt giddy in 5 years.

Edward made me feel like I could do anything. Like WE could do anything. Whenever I was with him, I felt at home, like nothing could harm us; because I was there to protect him and he was there to protect me. We hadn't spoken to each other about what we were or established any kind of status but we definitely did not want work people to find out. Working on a small floor with people starts to stir all kinds of gossip. But something in my heart said that we needed to establish something. I could sense something in Edward that had changed suddenly, i now know that it was his breakup with Tanya.

One night, about a month after the kiss, Edward and I were at an office party celebrating Angela's promotion. It was actually fun, elegant even. But Tanya was there with her new guy. She was parading him around and introducing him to everyone. When she got to me, I didn't know what to say really, but I didn't want to give off any kind of inkling that I was with Edward.

"Bella, this is Mike. Mike this is Bella." I offered my hand to him and shook it. "Its nice to meet you Mike." He nodded in agreement and Tanya spoke. "Have you seen Edward tonight?" I looked around, hoping that he wasn't near us. "He is around here somewhere." "Oh well if you see him, tell him hi for me." I just smiled at her and felt like I was going to puke. How could she be so... uhhh, what's the word…bitchy? I mean she was here with the guy she cheated with and was rubbing it in everyone's face.

I shooked my head and felt someone grab my hand and pull me. I shrieked but then started to laugh when I realized it was Edward smiling back at me. "Where did you run off to?" I asked him, lacing my fingers into his. "Bathroom, you know when nature calls, it really calls." I started laughing at his emphasis of REALLY having to pee.

"I saw Tanya. " I looked up at his face to study his reaction. "Oh?" "Yeah she is here with Mike, the new guy I'm assuming?" "Huh, well then." He looked away from me. "Hey, are you alright?" He didn't look at me at first and just said, "Yeah". But after a few moments, he looked at me and smiled. "Yeah I'm fine." I knew that was not a good 'fine' but i didn't want to discuss that here. And I sure didn't want to start anything with someone who was just 'fine'. But I waited a moment and said, "Hey you wanna get outta here?" He laughed a little and we headed back to his apartment.

Edwards place with double the size of mine and was so clean. It was decorated in dark wood and green, almost like a forest. It was beautiful. I set my jacket on his table. "Well tonight was…. eventful to say the least." I wanted to get to the bottom of this before we moved forward with whatever 'this' was becoming. I leaned my hands behind me on the back of the couch standing.

"Edward, what happened tonight?" "What do you mean?" "Do you still have feelings for Tanya?" He stared at me for a moment. He shrugged and then shook his head. "No, I don't. But knowing that she had moved on and that she was introducing him to people did get to me."

"Well what about you and me?" "What about you and me?" "Edward, stop answering me with a question." "Bella, you and I are friends, have been for a year. And now..." I looked up into his eyes and held his gaze. "Now?" "Now we have definitely become more." He moved over to me and lowered his lips to mine; he kissed me so passionately that I thought I would fall over. That kiss was the kiss that started it all. He pulled away an inch and whispered, "You don't know how long I've waited to do that."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Hello there, thank you everyone who is reading and following this story. I know recent events in Robsten's like has rocked some of us, so i appreciate you guys stickin in with me. I love Twillight and wouldnt want to take anything away from it. This story is loosely based on me so i again appreciate everyone who is reading. :) The ending of this story will be a happy one, so please stay with me.

**Chapter 4**

I couldn't move, I couldn't even breathe. My brain had to tell my lungs to function. I looked up to him and saw my whole world. His eyes were like a mirror to mine but yet were a passageway to something Id never known. A place I knew I wanted to call home.

We just stood there, him caressing my cheek, me holding his shirt at his sides for fear of falling. "You don't know how long I've waited to do that." "You said that already." "Yes, but I did wait too long, to long for you. I should have told you about my feelings when I met you." "Its not important right now, right now I want you to kiss me again." So he did. He kissed me with all he had, with all he felt.

I ran my hands slowly from his sides to the tops of his shoulder. I could hear his breathing start to get erratic and he moved his hands from my face into my hair, massaging my scalp. "You are so beautiful Bell." "Edward, shut up."

We started laughing and I lifted his shirt up. I ran my hands over his chest and back up to his neck as he wrapped me in his arms and carried me toward his bedroom. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I wanted to tell him right then and there but something held me back, I just repeated his words from earlier. "You don't know how long I've waited to do this." I smiled up at him and he captured my lips again taking my shirt along with him.

That night was so perfect. I had never known it could be like that. With Jacob, it was all about him, what he needed, how he felt. With Edward, it was mutual. I wanted to please him as much as he wanted to please me. That's what we did all through the night.

After we laid there just looking at each other. Staring and wondering what each other was thinking. "You really are beautiful you know that?" "You don't have to compliment me Edward, I'm already naked." I chuckled but he silenced me with his finger. "No, you are beautiful. The kind that makes me lose my train of thought, the kind of beautiful that takes my breath away every time I look at you."

I was so dumbfounded by his declaration, that I had no words. He just laid there with his elbow up, head in hand staring at me. His hand caressing my face. The silence never got old. Just staring at each other was comforting enough. I thought it would be like this forever. I wanted this forever. Sleep overtook eventually and I awoke the next morning to the sun shining in my face and Edwards's body coiled around me.

I slowly turned to my side and just looked at him for a moment not believing that I was actually here. In his bed, my best friends bed and after such a wonderful night. Staring at Edward sleeping, should be a hobby, and one I never want to break. "You know, some people might think this is weird, you staring at me like that while I sleep." "I didn't want to wake you." "I can feel you watch me you know. I don't even have to open my eyes yet to know your watching me." "Oh yeah?"

He opened his eyes and kissed me, "Yeah, and I like that I have that affect on you." "What affect is that?" "You having the need to watch me all the time." "I do not have the need to watch you all the time. I think it's the other way around." He looked at me and sighed. "I do need to watch you all the time."

He got up out of bed and pulled on some jeans. He went into the kitchen for coffee and I looked around the room for my clothes. When he came back in with mugs I was beginning to pull on my shirt. "Hey, who said you could put clothes on?" I laughed at him, "Excuse me?" He put the mugs on the nightstand and pounced on me. Needless to say, we were in that bed all morning.

Over the next few months, my life seemed to come together. Work was going great and Edward was the love of my life and we spent all our free time together. Life then couldn't be any better, Edward and I were so happy. Stealing glances and kisses every now and again at work got to feel so naughty, exciting even. Not that we didn't before but it was different, better. I loved him more then I could even express. I found myself thinking about him and daydreaming about him all day. Being his best friend was one thing but being his lover was something I always wanted to be. But as they say you cant always get what you want. As much as I would love to write that our love affair lasted forever, that I cant say.

Three months, and 6 days later from that night, I got the first of two brutal blows to my heart. I was in my office on a Tuesday morning, when I saw them together. Tanya and Edward were talking in his office when I passed to go to the mailroom. She was crying and he had the look of concern and compassion he had when I had been crying. I can't explain in words the hurt I felt seeing them together. The betrayal I felt. But they were just talking right? I wish they were just talking.

Later that night Edward walked into my apartment with a sullen look on his face. "How was your day today?" I said as sarcastically but trying to sound not like the jealous girlfriend, but was I really his girlfriend? We hadn't had the official talk yet but we weren't going to need it anyway. "Hell, Tanya came into my office today to talk about us." "Us?" I gestured between him and I. "No, her and I us."

My blood began to boil, "and what did she say?" "She said she was sorry for what happened and that she wanted me to give her a second chance." I was trying to breath slowly, I didn't want him to see or sense that I was getting irate. "What did you tell her?" He sighed and looked down at the ground. "I told her I had to think about it."

With that I blew, "Think about it?... think about it? What is there to think about Edward?" "I think I might still love her." There it is was, the bullet that killed my soul. I couldn't even wrap my head around it, love her? How could he love her? "What was I Edward? Some girl to use to see if you still had it? What about me? Huh? What about me, your best friend?" "Bella I don't know what to say, you deserve better then me." "I deserve better? You just ripped my heart out Edward." "Bell, please…" I backed up away from him and into the kitchen.

"Quit following me" "At least let me try and explain" "Explain? Explain to me why I am the one getting my heart stepped on. Explain to me why you chose to get into a relationship or whatever this is, with me and then rip my soul from my chest with out a second thought. You know when you should have explained, the night in my apartment, before any of this happened. Any of it! Now get out of my way"

I walked back into the living room running my hands through my hair. "I know how you must be feeing" Oh this should be good. "Really? Do you? Well you know what, if you did you would shut your mouth and turn around and leave me alone." He just stood there for what seemed like hours. "Bell, I don't want to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you."

"Then why?" He just looked up at me as if it was the most idiotic question I could ever ask. "Why what?" I laughed before continuing. "Why even bother with me, if you didn't see a future? Why would you tell me all the things you did just to rip my heart out? Why make me fall in love with you if you knew you would leave me?" He just looked at me for a while. "Well?" "I don't know what to tell you, I love her." 'Love her', can a heart literally break into a million pieces? Is it even possible to die emotionally? 'Love her' it was a joke; there relationship was a joke. I knew exactly the kind of relationship they had, hell I was in it for 4 and a half years.

I looked at him, "Love? So cheating, lying, manipulation and no trust; you call that love?" "Bella you don't know what you're talking about. She and I had something that you don't understand." "Yeah you know what Edward your right; your right I don't understand because love is supposed to be a foundation that you stand on. Love isn't something you just assume you have. Love is something that you KNOW you have; something you know you FEEL. Love is knowing that no matter what you face, that person is right there with you, not judging or criticize you. That person stands by you even when they know your wrong."

I turned around and walked away, but something inside my heart made me stop and I turned around suddenly. He was right in front of me and I grabbed his face and kissed him. Kissed him with all the emotion I felt. Friendship, anger, frustration, and love just poured into that kiss. I stepped back and was stunned by my behavior, "THAT'S love." And I walked straight out of my own apartment.


End file.
